Casket to Go

I thought I had seen it all until today. I was doing what every other corporate android does when she is stuck on an endless conference call - online shopping. I was cruising one of the popular wholesale stores (we'll call it "CashGo" just in case anyone who can sue me reads this blog) for Christmas ideas when something caught my eye at the top of the page.

Amongst the shopping category buttons, right there below "appliances" and right next to "furniture" was this: "funeral." I thought I was seeing things, but there it was, unabashedly staring back at me.

There are too many questions to even ask. What was the original business case for this? Were people boycotting funeral homes all over America and burying their loved ones in homemade coffins because caskets were too expensive? I didn't even know that caskets could be sold wholesale. It's kind of a personal choice, which is why, I would imagine, funeral homes do not keep a lot of on site inventory.

I was obviously not the first to ponder this because I quickly found a funeral frequently asked questions page. Sure enough, the first question was "why is CashGo selling caskets?" The response was straightforward enough: "as a service to our members." I have profound respect for CashGo's model. They value your business so much that they even want to support you when you're dead. That is true customer satisfaction. Like with their other products, CashGo provides you with multiple views of your eternal resting place and some excellent product descriptions. You want to be sure that you stave off decomposition for as long as possible. CashGo conveniently offers next day shipping as well, but warns that "Acts of God" as well as inclement weather may delay your casket's arrival. I thought for a minute about whether I could think of anything other than weather that could be considered "an act of God" but other than dying, none came to mind. CashGo ups the brand loyalty ante just a little bit more with their coffin guarantee and return policy (only cosmetic damage incurred during shipping is a viable return, so don't even think about coming back to life). What really sold me is that CashGo also recommends some items to go with your casket. A spray, perhaps? Maybe a flag casing or nice marble keepsake?

You will be happy to know that urns may also be purchased in the online funeral department. I wonder if it feels weird for people to be adding a casket to their online basket along with some bulk tuna fish and pistachios.

I guess Emily Dickinson was right. Because we cannot stop for death, death allows us to conveniently handle funeral arrangements without missing a latte or spinning class.

CashGo, consider me a member for life - and death.

-G