Letter to the Baby Boomers and Gen Y

The Harvard Business Review article "Gen Y in the Workforce" was the final straw. The nature of my work requires me to be very in touch with the latest research being conducted about generational mores, preferences and the like, and I can barely stomach what I read half the time. The worst purveyors of Generation Y ass kissing are also the most prominent media outlets: Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Business Week, The Wall Street Journal, etc. ad nasueam. No doubt the authors of this Gen Y/"Millenial" tripe are also the doting parents of the same self-serving Gen Yers overruning the workforce.

Before I get painted as the jealous Gen X middle child, let me say this. Young Talent shows itself in every generation. I have no doubt that some of the Gen Y movers and shakers of today are worth their salt, and will make a positive and lasting effect on society. But why has technological expertise surpassed such core competencies as relationship building, listening skills, and work ethic? And what about the culpability of the Boomers in creating these self-absorbed, attention deficit induced monsters?

I challenge you to do even a minimal amount of research on the four generations that currently comprise today's worforce: the veterans (roughly born between 1925-1941), the baby boomers (roughly 1943-1960), Generation X, (approximately 1960-1980), and Gen Y, or the Millenials, (roughly 1980-1995) - and you will see the same data regurgitated, over and over. The Veterans are authority-driven and need respect for their experience; the Boomers want to be recognized for their individual contributions and 'need to feel needed;' the Gen Xers are "cynical" and want more work/life balance, and the Gen Yers want more responsibility more quickly, mentoring, work/life balance, and more money.

The amount of information available on Gen Y is staggering, and slightly sickening, in that in all of it highlights the corporate pandering that is being done in the name of pleasing Gen Y. I wonder sometimes if this egregious over-indulgence is because we are stuck in a rut where the Boomers refuse to pass the baton to the ones they know will surpass their mark on the world and instead are focusing their energy on self-preservation by kowtowing to the people they believe they can still influence through verbal bullshit like "mentoring." The ones that 'remind them of their own children.' I think that although we aren't into grandstanding quite like our young successors, my fellow Gen Xers know that the Boomers are once again trying to pull the wool over our eyes in the name of "experience."

I have been so incensed over this Gen Y love fest that I began searching for other like minds, and came across Time Magazine's article in 2008 on Jeff Gordinier, a true spokesperson for Gen X: http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1731528,00.html. I cannot explain how relieved I was to find that not everyone had drunk the Gen Y kool-aid, and that someone finally put to paper the issue that has been niggling at us for years: what is so goddamn special about Gen Y and why are they so godamned self-entitled? Because they grew up with technology? In Gen Y "words," sfw. I particulary appreciated Gordinier's factual review of all of the tools that Gen X has created that have changed the face of business and society today: Google, YouTube, and MySpace to name a few, and his accounts of Gen X novelists and musicians who have made far more of a dent in the enlightenment and betterment of our society and culture than the creators of "Keeping up with the Kardashians." Need proof? Just look at our new president, a fine example of the mettle of Generation X.

We know the data. We know that Gen Y is about 20 million stronger than Gen X and we also know that given our recent economic plight, the Boomers will be occupying the leadership seats longer than we Gen Xers had hoped. But know this: we are not fools. We know that learning from the Boomer experience is critical to our success in the future. We know that times have changed, and the way we do business and the way we work and communciate has changed. We know that the Boomers represent about 50% of our current workforce, Gen X comprises about 30%, and Gen Y makes up about 20% of our workforce. We also know that while the Boomers want to hail the ingenuity and enterprise of their "sons and daughters," we Xers have been here the whole time: creating the technology that raised Gen Y, creating jobs for Gen Y, and most of all, making up for the short-comings of the Boomers to succesfully operate on a global scale in the new world of doing business.

So Boomers, know this. As much as we appreciate your expertise and your grit, we are only willing to wait so long before we need to politely excuse ourselves from listening to your war stories and get on with the business of putting ourselves in the driver's seat before we lose too much time. Gen Yers, know this: we can appreciate your technological know-how and your buying power, but we also know that when the Boomers retire, they will have about 3 trillion dollars more allowance than you (so this means we need to appeal to them as a consumer market even more than you). You may think that we were gutless, and just unwilling to push the envelope to get ahead, but you will learn that respect for experience, even if you are unwilling to do it with the same grace and fortitude of Gen X, makes all the difference when it comes down to one thing: people need to like you to do business with you.

Casket to Go

I thought I had seen it all until today. I was doing what every other corporate android does when she is stuck on an endless conference call - online shopping. I was cruising one of the popular wholesale stores (we'll call it "CashGo" just in case anyone who can sue me reads this blog) for Christmas ideas when something caught my eye at the top of the page.

Amongst the shopping category buttons, right there below "appliances" and right next to "furniture" was this: "funeral." I thought I was seeing things, but there it was, unabashedly staring back at me.

There are too many questions to even ask. What was the original business case for this? Were people boycotting funeral homes all over America and burying their loved ones in homemade coffins because caskets were too expensive? I didn't even know that caskets could be sold wholesale. It's kind of a personal choice, which is why, I would imagine, funeral homes do not keep a lot of on site inventory.

I was obviously not the first to ponder this because I quickly found a funeral frequently asked questions page. Sure enough, the first question was "why is CashGo selling caskets?" The response was straightforward enough: "as a service to our members." I have profound respect for CashGo's model. They value your business so much that they even want to support you when you're dead. That is true customer satisfaction. Like with their other products, CashGo provides you with multiple views of your eternal resting place and some excellent product descriptions. You want to be sure that you stave off decomposition for as long as possible. CashGo conveniently offers next day shipping as well, but warns that "Acts of God" as well as inclement weather may delay your casket's arrival. I thought for a minute about whether I could think of anything other than weather that could be considered "an act of God" but other than dying, none came to mind. CashGo ups the brand loyalty ante just a little bit more with their coffin guarantee and return policy (only cosmetic damage incurred during shipping is a viable return, so don't even think about coming back to life). What really sold me is that CashGo also recommends some items to go with your casket. A spray, perhaps? Maybe a flag casing or nice marble keepsake?

You will be happy to know that urns may also be purchased in the online funeral department. I wonder if it feels weird for people to be adding a casket to their online basket along with some bulk tuna fish and pistachios.

I guess Emily Dickinson was right. Because we cannot stop for death, death allows us to conveniently handle funeral arrangements without missing a latte or spinning class.

CashGo, consider me a member for life - and death.

-G

Don't Let the Bitches Get You Down

You're going to be hearing a lot about my work experiences on this blog - there's just too much good raw material to waste!

I work in corporate america. After many years post-college spent in production work, shooting videos, writing scripts, and putting magazines together, I got this crazy idea in my head. I decided that as fun as road-tripping and smoking and drinking my time away with my co-workers was, making money would be even more fun (you can afford to do more road-tripping, smoking and drinking, right?) And that's when I drank the kool-aid. I didn't even know it at the time - I was too ecstatic over doubling my salary overnight.

And that is when I began a career in corporate whoredom. I think I always knew that I was built to work in a world of control-freak, type A+, demanding, dirty, we-eat-our-young corporate types. I just fought it off for as long as I could, scared that my first kill would whet my appetite for more. What I didn't bargain for is the level of gore and destruction I would witness, and how many times I would have to turn my head away and not watch as good people were dismembered, skinned and feasted upon post-mortem.

I've seen careers ended, managers impale themselves on their own swords, clients demanding contracts to be renegotiated, and grown men and women crying in their cubicles.

I intend to chronicle these moments in this blog, with a particular focus on the worst monsters of all - The Bitches.

I don't mean "bitch" in the colloquial way, as in "you're my bitches." Bitch in this context also isn't referring to the way your wife or your girlfriend can sometimes be "a bitch." A bitch in this context is referring to a woman who is an expert at manipulation. A woman who breaks spirits like you break in a new pair of shoes. A woman who has absolutely no moral compass. A woman who hates men but hates women more. If you are a woman who works in the corporate world, you have a Bitch story.

I hope you will find my "Bitch" entries as equally horrifying and hilarious as I have over the years. I invite you to share any of your own!


-G

Virgin Blogger

Here it is. My very first blog. There is something very empowering about knowing that your words are being broadcast to whomever decides to randomly find your blog on some even more random search, but equally intimidating that you need to say something worthwhile (though I think with all the crap that is on the internet these days, what's a little more drivel added into the mix?) I am writing this blog because I realized it had been too long since I had a creative outlet to escape to after hours of corporate whoring. If anyone should find this blog by some act of God, I hope you enjoy. -G